A Language Alien to Yours
Thu, Jul 24 2008 08:46
Performing tasks outside of your natural path, talent or skill range can prove to be quite uncomfortable. For example, working as a freelance graphic designer full time before my battle with cancer, I had a variety of fun and not so fun projects. There were great clients and there were the inverse bunch of folks with whom I parted company as fast and as cleanly as possible. You can tell when you are involved at your highest level of awareness. Your mind fires off creative sparks that completely solve the problem in an elegant, creative fashion that is virtually no effort at all. The window of the creative universe opens and in comes the rainbow of ideas, art and life connection that makes the project soar. At his high level of doing, all hurdles are removed to the goal, like in the first Matrix movie, you realize, 'there is no spoon' and you are communicating in a new language.
Conversely, when a project arose that involved above average conflict, misdirection, misinformation, ego, conflict and confusion, it was as if the project was speaking in an alien language. Creativity was blocked or shoved in a corner, fear of this or that outcome from the client's overlords threatened each advance and the entire project went into slow motion against a backdrop of a hard deadline. Not fun. We humans tend to believe that a rigid set of structures and rules are necessary for achieving these hard deadlines and that an aggressive approach will get the job done. It's like the project managers are on some bizarre personal jihad to get their impossible deadline while the fiery whips of their bosses lash them for more speed.
As any creative can tell you, this is not the recipe for success. What I have found in creating graphics and electronic music, writing poetry and creating anything in general is that the best language is your internal language. When you connect and release possibilities to the great creative spark that is life and our universe, many good and unexpectedly good things happen. Whenever an opportunity arises for creativity, I find that it is a natural process. I get excited and desire to create something from just brushing against the idea of creating something. The process of letting it form is the joy and the end result ain't too bad either!
The journey and path to your purpose in creating is one of joy and discovery. All you have to do is want to play, kind of like when you were a kid. Become a kid again and enjoy playing with no boundaries, no rules and no limits. You can hone the raw material of this process to fit the requirements of your creative project, but always keep it in your own voice, your own language of the creative.
Let me know what your experiences are in your creative journey!
One Love
Conversely, when a project arose that involved above average conflict, misdirection, misinformation, ego, conflict and confusion, it was as if the project was speaking in an alien language. Creativity was blocked or shoved in a corner, fear of this or that outcome from the client's overlords threatened each advance and the entire project went into slow motion against a backdrop of a hard deadline. Not fun. We humans tend to believe that a rigid set of structures and rules are necessary for achieving these hard deadlines and that an aggressive approach will get the job done. It's like the project managers are on some bizarre personal jihad to get their impossible deadline while the fiery whips of their bosses lash them for more speed.
As any creative can tell you, this is not the recipe for success. What I have found in creating graphics and electronic music, writing poetry and creating anything in general is that the best language is your internal language. When you connect and release possibilities to the great creative spark that is life and our universe, many good and unexpectedly good things happen. Whenever an opportunity arises for creativity, I find that it is a natural process. I get excited and desire to create something from just brushing against the idea of creating something. The process of letting it form is the joy and the end result ain't too bad either!
The journey and path to your purpose in creating is one of joy and discovery. All you have to do is want to play, kind of like when you were a kid. Become a kid again and enjoy playing with no boundaries, no rules and no limits. You can hone the raw material of this process to fit the requirements of your creative project, but always keep it in your own voice, your own language of the creative.
Let me know what your experiences are in your creative journey!
One Love
Comments
You're Anemic
Wed, Jul 23 2008 05:10
My last checkup at the ENT revealed that one of the effects of the cancer treatment has been that I am now anemic. What it means in real life is that there are certain characteristics of anemia that have to be dealt with on a daily basis. Anemia, simply is that the number of red blood cells is reduced to the point where an iron deficiency takes place. The resulting effect is a series of symptoms that can interfere with your day from manageable to crazy. A good ten step check is from eHow and is titled 'How to Know if You Are Anemic”
The tough part for me is that with the hemiglossectomy, regular food is out. Anemia can be managed well with a careful diet full of iron rich foods. At this point, I still use the PEG tube for about 98% of my nutrition. What I have been doing is adding a liquid iron supplement to fortify the nutrition enabling the management of the anemia. The more I heal up, the more nutrition I will be able to take by mouth and start picking up weight and strength. Looking forward to picking up some energy and doing some more music.
In the meantime, I have a link from my SoundCloud music post called Sun Halo which is an edgy minimal, glitchy summer sun jam. You can hear Sun Halo by clicking the play button. Would love to hear other electronic music from others! Leave a comment and enjoy!
The tough part for me is that with the hemiglossectomy, regular food is out. Anemia can be managed well with a careful diet full of iron rich foods. At this point, I still use the PEG tube for about 98% of my nutrition. What I have been doing is adding a liquid iron supplement to fortify the nutrition enabling the management of the anemia. The more I heal up, the more nutrition I will be able to take by mouth and start picking up weight and strength. Looking forward to picking up some energy and doing some more music.
In the meantime, I have a link from my SoundCloud music post called Sun Halo which is an edgy minimal, glitchy summer sun jam. You can hear Sun Halo by clicking the play button. Would love to hear other electronic music from others! Leave a comment and enjoy!
Updates in the Psiplex Blogosphere
Mon, Jul 21 2008 03:57
There is a new mobile version of Psiplex for handhelds which is handy if you are on the go and want to catch up with the latest Psiplex posts. You can get a mobile account for your own blog at MoFuse for free. MoFuse is offering their former paid version for free! It took me about 8 minutes to setup (mileage may vary) and is a neat way to experiment with getting your blog to mobile devices. The 8th comment to this post will receive a free design GIF header 200 pixels wide x 30 pixels tall for their free Mofuse mobile account. The header is a lightweight 4-6 kb which goes on your mobile web page. This may help folks who want a nice eye-catching, easy to read header. I'll just need the title you want and font style you want along with your preferred colors. As you can see from mine, there isn't a lot of space for a busy logo or pics, but a good, solid, readable font will do wonders on a complimentary, high contrast background. The GIF will be e-mailed to you so please provide a working email address that is not full or has a voracious spam filter. I don't send out e-mails or newsletters, so you don't have to worry about getting spam jammed — not interested in sharing your email with anyone, just want to show some love.
On the fun and creative side, Ars Technica has an article about the new Apple iPhone 3G app that is a virtual band from Moo Cow Music. Better than playing a mindless game while you're waiting at the airport or on the metro, composing music is fun and you can show off your new jams to your friends. Who knows, you could become an iTunes star!
Discovered NPR has a music section worth checking out called Music Interviews and Profiles which has some lesser known but excellent interviews with artists other than mainstream and top 10. Their World Cafe is also worthy of attention. Lots of good unexpected morsels to explore.
Clarity and Clouds
Sat, Jul 19 2008 04:31
Watching a documentary style program on travel to Jamaica, I was struck by one of the segments of the program dealing with one the island's most popular exports. The interviewer was questioning a prominent living, former world renowned music legend (non-Marley) about his current lifestyle, past successes and beliefs. The former legend responded that he had found a new career in helping his people in Jamaica to understand their history and to embrace the endemic belief system that had now become his focus and passion. I followed his career for awhile in the early 1980's, as he was a dynamic voice in the growing world music and hip-hop communities, he just was never a top artist in my book. I was with him until he explained that this particular brand of worship was 'set aside' for a very specific group of people.
I was stumped at how any belief system that would help one to see truth and a life and power beyond this world would be 'set aside' for only a specific set of circumstances. Perhaps I had not encountered this aspect beforehand about a religion that supposedly embraces all, but I was amazed at how it struck me. It certainly caused me to reflect on the fact that when we set up a belief system, we fill it with all our good as well as bad. I contend that being connected to infinite love and peace is for all of us and not a set of methodologies that fool us into believing we are eternal. Battling cancer, I have found that it is so very important to discover where you are with life. Equally important, it is good to find out sooner or later what and where your path is. It is also is a relief to know that a lot of ambiguities and conflicting dialogue are a part of daily life. We all are trying to get to a state of love and learning. Some of this process is getting it right and getting it wrong with life happening in between. Partitioning love is not possible. You either have love in you or you don't.
I was stumped at how any belief system that would help one to see truth and a life and power beyond this world would be 'set aside' for only a specific set of circumstances. Perhaps I had not encountered this aspect beforehand about a religion that supposedly embraces all, but I was amazed at how it struck me. It certainly caused me to reflect on the fact that when we set up a belief system, we fill it with all our good as well as bad. I contend that being connected to infinite love and peace is for all of us and not a set of methodologies that fool us into believing we are eternal. Battling cancer, I have found that it is so very important to discover where you are with life. Equally important, it is good to find out sooner or later what and where your path is. It is also is a relief to know that a lot of ambiguities and conflicting dialogue are a part of daily life. We all are trying to get to a state of love and learning. Some of this process is getting it right and getting it wrong with life happening in between. Partitioning love is not possible. You either have love in you or you don't.
Who You Think People Think You Are
Wed, Jul 16 2008 04:37
It is surprising to realize how much our thoughts toward people, events and ourselves create our reality. It is also surprising to think that we can have such monumental change in our lives by realizing how we think about ourselves which returns to us experientially in everyday life. The constant state of impermanence and change makes endeavors a moving target. Acceptance of this concept makes it easier to understand why things are or are not.
Recognition of impermanence and all of what we know of life passing into different states then passing makes some people artists and some madmen. Against this backdrop we formulate a mental image of ideals and perceptions that become us, others and the world. We think ourselves into being by internalizing the world around us. This is done by pulling in influences that build our self amidst a biological and chemical foundation that injects traits and behaviors from ancestors we may not know. Chance and probability combine with the verities of physics to produce the artist's or the madman's reality and behavior. Then, it just is. Deductive, fact-based scientific fact and a nodding heroin delusion exist proportionally in real time and carry the weight of reality to each experiencer. How we conduct our thoughts determines our reality and becomes the behavior we project into the world. This is the self that has your birth certificate and face along with your conceptualized personality.
What are you making up about yourself? How does this view of yourself reflect in others? How you think people think you are is a part of your self identity as much as you thinking how you will 'be'. Wether a perspective is quantitative or spiritually intuitive, it all outputs as a type of image that is our self for ourself and others. The personal importance of these factors is manifested and displayed in our interactions with the world and on the big screen of our minds. Off the big screen, are you really the person playing the roles on its endless loop of thoughts and emotions? Is there more than the definition you and others have given that face in the mirror you call 'me'? We unfold or are folded up by the blocks we can't seem to get past. We soar when we glide past blocks to the peaks of our ability.
Recognition of impermanence and all of what we know of life passing into different states then passing makes some people artists and some madmen. Against this backdrop we formulate a mental image of ideals and perceptions that become us, others and the world. We think ourselves into being by internalizing the world around us. This is done by pulling in influences that build our self amidst a biological and chemical foundation that injects traits and behaviors from ancestors we may not know. Chance and probability combine with the verities of physics to produce the artist's or the madman's reality and behavior. Then, it just is. Deductive, fact-based scientific fact and a nodding heroin delusion exist proportionally in real time and carry the weight of reality to each experiencer. How we conduct our thoughts determines our reality and becomes the behavior we project into the world. This is the self that has your birth certificate and face along with your conceptualized personality.
What are you making up about yourself? How does this view of yourself reflect in others? How you think people think you are is a part of your self identity as much as you thinking how you will 'be'. Wether a perspective is quantitative or spiritually intuitive, it all outputs as a type of image that is our self for ourself and others. The personal importance of these factors is manifested and displayed in our interactions with the world and on the big screen of our minds. Off the big screen, are you really the person playing the roles on its endless loop of thoughts and emotions? Is there more than the definition you and others have given that face in the mirror you call 'me'? We unfold or are folded up by the blocks we can't seem to get past. We soar when we glide past blocks to the peaks of our ability.
Attention Span
Tue, Jul 15 2008 11:37
People tell me stories
I am not interested
Large crowds mobilize in frenzies
I want to be alone
Driving on the freeway
Makes me tired and driving
vibrating nonstop texting
is incessant like noise
Like noise is an argument
I am out of my garden
Back through noise to
my attention-less non-being
being not ~ being better
quiet again, breathing again
in my garden
I am not interested
Large crowds mobilize in frenzies
I want to be alone
Driving on the freeway
Makes me tired and driving
vibrating nonstop texting
is incessant like noise
Like noise is an argument
I am out of my garden
Back through noise to
my attention-less non-being
being not ~ being better
quiet again, breathing again
in my garden
Suffering and Consciousness
Mon, Jul 14 2008 07:45
There is an article posted Monday at RealitySandwich from Sam Michael called Kung Fu: Preparation for Armageddon which is a really thoughtful. I Liked the direction of the post. His quote of Dostoyevsky's "Suffering is the origin of consciousness." is interesting for the article.
I'm believing consciousness allows suffering to impact consciousness rather than suffering being a creator of consciousness. Consciousness reflects stillness, presence and peace as well as external events that involve thought and the outward manifestation of life as in the physical world. There may be the thought that suffering is an origin, but consciousness had to be in existence to even recognize suffering. My 2 cents, yo.
I welcome your comments!
I'm believing consciousness allows suffering to impact consciousness rather than suffering being a creator of consciousness. Consciousness reflects stillness, presence and peace as well as external events that involve thought and the outward manifestation of life as in the physical world. There may be the thought that suffering is an origin, but consciousness had to be in existence to even recognize suffering. My 2 cents, yo.
I welcome your comments!
Delatta
Sun, Jul 13 2008 04:03
CarolC of Compass Webworks has a beautiful piece called Delatta she composed in Compass Webworks Fresh Flash Friday (FFF) inspired by Ching Theory.
Based in Ontario, Canada, Carol brings a wonderful insight and adventurousness to her blog which is an exploration of art and all things creative. It is fresh, natural and original in ways that make me smile and marvel at the power of art and an inspired artist. I strongly urge visiting Compass Webworks to get a serving of your own inspiration and rich flavor of creativity and art. Carol's Gallery is a great way to get a feel for her artistry.
I am deeply honored and grateful that Carol would be so kind as to hear the track and be engaged by the creative spark to produce Delatta. I am smiling so hard my face hurts!
Based in Ontario, Canada, Carol brings a wonderful insight and adventurousness to her blog which is an exploration of art and all things creative. It is fresh, natural and original in ways that make me smile and marvel at the power of art and an inspired artist. I strongly urge visiting Compass Webworks to get a serving of your own inspiration and rich flavor of creativity and art. Carol's Gallery is a great way to get a feel for her artistry.
I am deeply honored and grateful that Carol would be so kind as to hear the track and be engaged by the creative spark to produce Delatta. I am smiling so hard my face hurts!
Pain Management
Fri, Jul 11 2008 03:10
The main focus this week has been on pain management and will continue to be so for the next several weeks. Visited the ENT specialist for my one week checkup. Still pretty ugly in there but I am where I should be for this stage of healing. I heard a couple of cause of concerns on the path report but it is too early to tell the difference between what might be and what is based on the swelling and prior neck surgery. I will have to go in for regular checkups to keep an a close watch on any developments of tongue cancer re-growth which is 10 kinds of nasty.
The pain medication I am using a combination of a pain killer and Tylenol to reduce inflammation and swelling. I take this through my PEG tube about every 4 hours and it is definitely helping. I just don't want to depend on it for too long. The last thing I want is a drug addiction. Managing the pain means getting better nutrition which will promote healing. Also planning on resuming a gentle bit of walking early in the mornings to improve circulation and prevent muscle loss. The morning walks are a good time to meditate on life and its purpose. Time to get back in the saddle!
Have a great weekend!
The pain medication I am using a combination of a pain killer and Tylenol to reduce inflammation and swelling. I take this through my PEG tube about every 4 hours and it is definitely helping. I just don't want to depend on it for too long. The last thing I want is a drug addiction. Managing the pain means getting better nutrition which will promote healing. Also planning on resuming a gentle bit of walking early in the mornings to improve circulation and prevent muscle loss. The morning walks are a good time to meditate on life and its purpose. Time to get back in the saddle!
Have a great weekend!
Everything is Speed
Tue, Jul 8 2008 03:11
A bit wobbly and weak this morning, but on the slow road to recovery. The swelling on my ankles has subsided and the general anesthesia-induced lethargy is dissolving. The after effects of most of Thursday's surgery is subsiding and a somewhat normal thought process is coming round. Many thanks to all my family, friends, associates and supporters for your kind words of encouragement!
With cancer diagnosis and treatment, everything is speed. The rapidity of cancer cell growth is wicked fast. The best hope is a fast track to your doctor, oral surgeon, ENT or regular physical to monitor any changes in your body. You have to be on alert for changes but not in a state of constant suspicion or panic - use common sense. For head and neck cancer, being aware of changes to your tongue, tonsils, neck, lymph nodes, nasal passages, eye area and skin is critical. Speed in determining the prognosis and treatment cycle often means the probability in successfully beating cancer.
There are many resources available, some of the few of which are:
Caring4Cancer
Cancer Compass Information
The Cancer Compass Message Boards - where you can find out about various cancer
The American Cancer Society - You can find out about community resources and more
A great article on combining radiation and surgery for head and neck cancer patients
A man by the name of Brian Ankner is fighting tongue cancer and has a blog with photos available at
Send along your comments suggestions and stories via the comments section (click on the text link 'comments' to add yours). All are appreciated!
With cancer diagnosis and treatment, everything is speed. The rapidity of cancer cell growth is wicked fast. The best hope is a fast track to your doctor, oral surgeon, ENT or regular physical to monitor any changes in your body. You have to be on alert for changes but not in a state of constant suspicion or panic - use common sense. For head and neck cancer, being aware of changes to your tongue, tonsils, neck, lymph nodes, nasal passages, eye area and skin is critical. Speed in determining the prognosis and treatment cycle often means the probability in successfully beating cancer.
There are many resources available, some of the few of which are:
Caring4Cancer
Cancer Compass Information
The Cancer Compass Message Boards - where you can find out about various cancer
The American Cancer Society - You can find out about community resources and more
A great article on combining radiation and surgery for head and neck cancer patients
A man by the name of Brian Ankner is fighting tongue cancer and has a blog with photos available at
Send along your comments suggestions and stories via the comments section (click on the text link 'comments' to add yours). All are appreciated!
Tongue Cancer Operation
Fri, Jul 4 2008 11:06
Thursday, July 3rd was my hemiglossectomy (excision of part of the tongue). The operation went very well under the skilled hands of the Surgeon, Dr. Jackson and his team at Northside Hospital in Atlanta, GA. The procedure went so well in fact, I was back home resting on the 4th by 5pm. Nothing like being home to recover from surgery in your own environment.
As I mentioned in a previous post, the cancer on my tongue was very aggressive and sneaked past the chemotherapy and radiation therapy to surface again just one month past those treatments. Like in December, 2007, the symptom was a really painful, caused side effects and appeared as an alien-looking white ulcer on my tongue. See more about oral cancer.
Initially, after 3 weeks post radiation, I was genuinely feeling strong, putting on weight, going out out to a local coffee shop with my mates and eating eggs and drinking a wee bit of coffee. All felt well and I was really in recovery mode. Then by the 4th week post radiation therapy, I was starting to get fatigued again, my lymph nodes were swollen, my tongue was swollen and the alien invader on my tongue showed up. It was really, really large (at least to me) and stopped me from eating immediately. Had the nerve to be all white and shiny. Big honkin' white Frankenulcer that peered back at me in the mirror and freakin' hurt like hell. Fortunately, my PEG tube was still in place and I was able to get nutrition through nightly tube feedings that kept my strength up and weight from plummeting.
With that, the symptoms were causing me so much distress, I immediately made an appointment to see the Radiology Oncologist, the Chemotherapy oncologist and the ENT Surgeon. The biopsy taken on Tuesday, July 1st was sent to the med labs and on Wednesday, July 2nd, I was doing all the intake for the surgery for Thursday the 3rd. It was all so fast, but with cancer, you have to move fast. I would be happy to answer any questions about the procedure for anyone who needs the info. You can e-mail me direct at grfx303@gmail.com and I will get back with you ASAP.
Wanted to pass along the spiritual, physical and mental preparation I experienced so this may be of use to anyone going through complexity like this. I want to give you a no b.s. response. Life is too short and too precious to b.s. people or oneself. We as a people are all really wanting to be told the truth and be fed with the truth. Anything else is a cruel diversion. Although I promise not to belabor you good people with any religious schlock, I will pass along what works for me. I just do not believe in prescribing to a 'religion' as a practice for the life or death matters that we face. Alright, here is what I connected with since going into the doctors for my cancer on July 2nd. You don't have to do as I do, but at least you can peer into the process and clock it.
Core belief for me is that yes, Virginia we do have a spirit which I call my consciousness. This consciousness, for me, is the real “i”, some call it our soul. Cool. In other words, I do not sincerely believe I am my birth certificate, my name, my title , my cancer or the roles I play as a graphic designer and electronic musician. They are an external identification. The “i” that is my consciousness is connected to life everlasting and cannot not be so. It is the eternal being part of my human + being. My human part is a mechanical function which eats, farts and has an automatic system for digesting food and circulating my blood. I didn't have a whole lot to do with the spirit getting here, and thus I believe that since I am here in this container I have a purpose. This purpose is tied to the rest of the energy here in the form of other human beings and all the wonderfulness and shittiness that is on this planet. I have no particular powers, nor do I totally know some of even the smallest of reasons why this is so. It is just my human experience. I do respect all beliefs and wisdom. I am open to all wisdom and truth that lay on my “i” consciousness without wrinkling or staining it.
That said, I prepared for the cancer operation knowing that my human body will follow the destiny of all living things and will perish at some point. Not a whole lot of cause for concern as that is what happens to life forms on the planet. I also was extremely comforted by the fact that my energy would return to where it came and I do not have to worry about that in the least. Next, I made sure that I was not angry, vengeful or had any hate left in me for anyone, anything or any purpose. Those things rely on mental images and a movie playing to show your thought process you were wronged. The past, if doesn't contain love or a purpose for now is not useful, so I got clear on that. Next, I made sure that I had no resistance to the now, the present moment I operate in and the operations affects on my family, loved ones and “i”. Got clear on that. Next, I realized that what will be got to be. To me, only learning to give love and receive love presents the lessons needed to live. All the good stuff in life begins with love and continues with love. The more giving and the less getting, the more chance to find true purpose. If my purpose here is needed, here I am, if not, my energy returns to the main energy source. I placed my trust in my connectedness to the greater almighty and let it ride.
I tried to be like water, non-resistant and flow around things I didn't understand or maybe would have a hard time controlling. I let go a lot of emotional baggage and became locked in the present moment to observe my thoughts and emotions about the cancer operation that removed part of my tongue. What gave me peace is that through suffering, we often come upon our true life purpose. If I approach that with love and consciousness, I can be of some use to others, If I choose to be a victim, become pitiful and petty or even a 'cancer patient', I cannot serve my purpose. Again, just me talking, you gotta figure this out sooner or later in your situation. All I know is that the more negative crap we attach to our external human, the title, the roles, the ego who has a name on a birth certificate or drivers license, the more life just plain hurts. Through this series of events, I have come to accept that the only time we have is now, the present. The past s gone and the future is going to be a present moment. I can serve by being aligned with my present moment, the purpose and the service I can freely give to others. In this, I have great joy and great peace. I hope to provide love to folks on their way to and coming back from their own pilgrimage. I also hope to learn from their experiences and wisdom.
Of course there will be rough days ahead, of course there will be measures of disappointment and all the other things that befall us here on planet earth. I will continue to be a student and learn, pass on what I find and love as much as I can.
You are welcome to comment- everything accepted and acknowledged!
As I mentioned in a previous post, the cancer on my tongue was very aggressive and sneaked past the chemotherapy and radiation therapy to surface again just one month past those treatments. Like in December, 2007, the symptom was a really painful, caused side effects and appeared as an alien-looking white ulcer on my tongue. See more about oral cancer.
Initially, after 3 weeks post radiation, I was genuinely feeling strong, putting on weight, going out out to a local coffee shop with my mates and eating eggs and drinking a wee bit of coffee. All felt well and I was really in recovery mode. Then by the 4th week post radiation therapy, I was starting to get fatigued again, my lymph nodes were swollen, my tongue was swollen and the alien invader on my tongue showed up. It was really, really large (at least to me) and stopped me from eating immediately. Had the nerve to be all white and shiny. Big honkin' white Frankenulcer that peered back at me in the mirror and freakin' hurt like hell. Fortunately, my PEG tube was still in place and I was able to get nutrition through nightly tube feedings that kept my strength up and weight from plummeting.
With that, the symptoms were causing me so much distress, I immediately made an appointment to see the Radiology Oncologist, the Chemotherapy oncologist and the ENT Surgeon. The biopsy taken on Tuesday, July 1st was sent to the med labs and on Wednesday, July 2nd, I was doing all the intake for the surgery for Thursday the 3rd. It was all so fast, but with cancer, you have to move fast. I would be happy to answer any questions about the procedure for anyone who needs the info. You can e-mail me direct at grfx303@gmail.com and I will get back with you ASAP.
Wanted to pass along the spiritual, physical and mental preparation I experienced so this may be of use to anyone going through complexity like this. I want to give you a no b.s. response. Life is too short and too precious to b.s. people or oneself. We as a people are all really wanting to be told the truth and be fed with the truth. Anything else is a cruel diversion. Although I promise not to belabor you good people with any religious schlock, I will pass along what works for me. I just do not believe in prescribing to a 'religion' as a practice for the life or death matters that we face. Alright, here is what I connected with since going into the doctors for my cancer on July 2nd. You don't have to do as I do, but at least you can peer into the process and clock it.
Core belief for me is that yes, Virginia we do have a spirit which I call my consciousness. This consciousness, for me, is the real “i”, some call it our soul. Cool. In other words, I do not sincerely believe I am my birth certificate, my name, my title , my cancer or the roles I play as a graphic designer and electronic musician. They are an external identification. The “i” that is my consciousness is connected to life everlasting and cannot not be so. It is the eternal being part of my human + being. My human part is a mechanical function which eats, farts and has an automatic system for digesting food and circulating my blood. I didn't have a whole lot to do with the spirit getting here, and thus I believe that since I am here in this container I have a purpose. This purpose is tied to the rest of the energy here in the form of other human beings and all the wonderfulness and shittiness that is on this planet. I have no particular powers, nor do I totally know some of even the smallest of reasons why this is so. It is just my human experience. I do respect all beliefs and wisdom. I am open to all wisdom and truth that lay on my “i” consciousness without wrinkling or staining it.
That said, I prepared for the cancer operation knowing that my human body will follow the destiny of all living things and will perish at some point. Not a whole lot of cause for concern as that is what happens to life forms on the planet. I also was extremely comforted by the fact that my energy would return to where it came and I do not have to worry about that in the least. Next, I made sure that I was not angry, vengeful or had any hate left in me for anyone, anything or any purpose. Those things rely on mental images and a movie playing to show your thought process you were wronged. The past, if doesn't contain love or a purpose for now is not useful, so I got clear on that. Next, I made sure that I had no resistance to the now, the present moment I operate in and the operations affects on my family, loved ones and “i”. Got clear on that. Next, I realized that what will be got to be. To me, only learning to give love and receive love presents the lessons needed to live. All the good stuff in life begins with love and continues with love. The more giving and the less getting, the more chance to find true purpose. If my purpose here is needed, here I am, if not, my energy returns to the main energy source. I placed my trust in my connectedness to the greater almighty and let it ride.
I tried to be like water, non-resistant and flow around things I didn't understand or maybe would have a hard time controlling. I let go a lot of emotional baggage and became locked in the present moment to observe my thoughts and emotions about the cancer operation that removed part of my tongue. What gave me peace is that through suffering, we often come upon our true life purpose. If I approach that with love and consciousness, I can be of some use to others, If I choose to be a victim, become pitiful and petty or even a 'cancer patient', I cannot serve my purpose. Again, just me talking, you gotta figure this out sooner or later in your situation. All I know is that the more negative crap we attach to our external human, the title, the roles, the ego who has a name on a birth certificate or drivers license, the more life just plain hurts. Through this series of events, I have come to accept that the only time we have is now, the present. The past s gone and the future is going to be a present moment. I can serve by being aligned with my present moment, the purpose and the service I can freely give to others. In this, I have great joy and great peace. I hope to provide love to folks on their way to and coming back from their own pilgrimage. I also hope to learn from their experiences and wisdom.
Of course there will be rough days ahead, of course there will be measures of disappointment and all the other things that befall us here on planet earth. I will continue to be a student and learn, pass on what I find and love as much as I can.
You are welcome to comment- everything accepted and acknowledged!
Creating Space for Healing
Wed, Jul 2 2008 11:46
After waiting for the CT scan results to come through, the hours passed and time crinkled into a single moment. At the ENT's office I got the official word that the results were positive. Good news, it hadn't spread. Apparently the cancer is still flaring up on my tongue but is gone from my neck. I am about to undergo a procedure called a hemiglossectomy or excision of part of the tongue. This can include removal of half the tongue. Despite the treatment started back in December, 2007, the cancer became very aggressive, tricky and resistant to the chemotherapy and radiation therapies. This procedure is an attempt to isolate and remove the growth. Looks like the opera and competitive eating careers could be on hold.
So what advice can I offer to others who are facing a medical event like this? The best and most sane advice I can give is to be at peace with the decision, don't resist by putting an added story to the fact. Don't create anxiety, but create a space for healing around the event. What will be got to be as Bob Marley stated. Is cancer or any disease the real you? Is the definition of your body the real you? Hint: The real you is not the body, nor the disease. Contemplating these questions will involve a lot of searching. For every individual, this is going to be different. believe me, having an internal positivity toward any situation is going to help it along. There is less chance for resistance, both internal and external that can snag on the path. Fair, unfair, anger, pity, tears will not change what has to be, neither will a false sense of bravery or toughness. My focus is on the healing, not the labels put on the condition or the variables surrounding it. It is part of my experience on this planet. Good? Bad? It just is. Up to me to find that as useful and welcome on the journey. I am surrendering resistance and welcoming wellness, peace and healing. At some point, I'll eat a plate of hot barbecue wings in your honor!
Needless to say, the blog will be coasting for a week, but will be back on track soon.
One Love
So what advice can I offer to others who are facing a medical event like this? The best and most sane advice I can give is to be at peace with the decision, don't resist by putting an added story to the fact. Don't create anxiety, but create a space for healing around the event. What will be got to be as Bob Marley stated. Is cancer or any disease the real you? Is the definition of your body the real you? Hint: The real you is not the body, nor the disease. Contemplating these questions will involve a lot of searching. For every individual, this is going to be different. believe me, having an internal positivity toward any situation is going to help it along. There is less chance for resistance, both internal and external that can snag on the path. Fair, unfair, anger, pity, tears will not change what has to be, neither will a false sense of bravery or toughness. My focus is on the healing, not the labels put on the condition or the variables surrounding it. It is part of my experience on this planet. Good? Bad? It just is. Up to me to find that as useful and welcome on the journey. I am surrendering resistance and welcoming wellness, peace and healing. At some point, I'll eat a plate of hot barbecue wings in your honor!
Needless to say, the blog will be coasting for a week, but will be back on track soon.
One Love
Hi-zen Input
Mon, Jun 30 2008 03:57
Game on. Filling up on some good soul vibes like a junk food addict in preparation for the play coming up this Thursday – surgery day. No real way to prepare for something that is usually not a desired experience. But the outcome and this present moment depends on getting some Hi-zen input. surrounding my present with the acceptance and fluidity to accept all outcomes. Ready like a soldier.
If you have ever seen or worked with an audio mixer, you can see that music instruments or microphones can be connected by an audio able into the mixer. The mixer balances the audio inputs and sums everything up to a digital or analog stereo or 5.1 surround output to the speakers or PA. The term for which kind of input used is called impedance. This means that the electrical balance of the instrument matches the best possibility of signal strength to noise ration. Impedance is known as high or low impedance also called Hi or Low Z. A microphone needing power is usually a low-z input on the mixer. A guitar or keyboard is usually a hi-z input on the mixer.
Getting a hi-zen input into the mix is my way of getting into alignment with what is to be and what is. I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. The thing to avoid is an impedance mismatch in which the outcome of the process is distorted and unusable. The best outcome is to be present in the experience and seek the lessons from it.
If you have ever seen or worked with an audio mixer, you can see that music instruments or microphones can be connected by an audio able into the mixer. The mixer balances the audio inputs and sums everything up to a digital or analog stereo or 5.1 surround output to the speakers or PA. The term for which kind of input used is called impedance. This means that the electrical balance of the instrument matches the best possibility of signal strength to noise ration. Impedance is known as high or low impedance also called Hi or Low Z. A microphone needing power is usually a low-z input on the mixer. A guitar or keyboard is usually a hi-z input on the mixer.
Getting a hi-zen input into the mix is my way of getting into alignment with what is to be and what is. I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. The thing to avoid is an impedance mismatch in which the outcome of the process is distorted and unusable. The best outcome is to be present in the experience and seek the lessons from it.
Another Day, Another Fight
Sat, Jun 28 2008 03:43
Noticed a new, painful ulcer on my tongue about two weeks ago and made an appointment to see the radiology oncologist. He explains that along the intersection of existing tongue incisions is an area where the tissue does not receive enough blood supply and often ulcerates. Well, the alien spawn sprouting from my tongue attested to the fact that was definitely out of the ordinary. It was recommended that I see the ENT who performed my right radial neck dissection to learn more about the ulcer and its ensuing painful visitation. The ear pain, kind of like being jabbed with a long knitting needle at odd intervals was caused by a mixup of the brain's neural communication net that transferred the pain signals from the tongue and placed them in the ear, where there is actually no pain source. Just feels like it is emanating from the ear, but it is actually carried by the nerves of the tongue.
What is this new threat, this pulsing, white-bulbed, ulcerated angry alien intruder? Biopsy time. A biopsy is when a sample of the tissue is taken from the affected area that can be analyzed for cancer. There are two painful components of this procedure, one physical and one mental. The physical part, of course, is the actual removal of living tissue from the tongue. Being a sensitive instrument of taste and communication, the process of removing tissue is to not cause pain or suffering and so a numbing spray is used to deaden sensation. Along with the spray, a shot of Novocain or similar solution is used directly into separate areas of the tongue. After waiting a sufficient amount of time for the nerves to be de-sensitized the biopsy is performed and the tissue removed. I'm sure every experience is different, but my experience brought me no joy.
The secondary pain associated is the waiting. Waiting for the biopsy to be analyzed and determined to be or not to be cancerous. A plan is made for both instances and a 'limbo' period opens up until the time when a face to face is done in the ENT's office that will decide what will be done. The best way to deal with limbo is to live in the present moment and enjoy and appreciate what you do have. The minute you find out the news is just another present moment we call the 'future', but if you can get your head around the fact that it will be 'now', in a block on the calendar, it is easier to place your reaction to that determination in 'now'. At this point, I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. To resist builds up a lot of negative energy that is especially hard to release under duress. Instead, I am trying to be still and listen for the lesson in this situation. It is at these junctions in life that we are revealed for who we are, not what we think other people think we are. I am going to be who I am no matter what my exo-person, this body, is undergoing. Tissue changes, growing or dying as time passes. The energy that lives inside the body is the engine that is going to fight. The body is there for the ride. Game on.
What is this new threat, this pulsing, white-bulbed, ulcerated angry alien intruder? Biopsy time. A biopsy is when a sample of the tissue is taken from the affected area that can be analyzed for cancer. There are two painful components of this procedure, one physical and one mental. The physical part, of course, is the actual removal of living tissue from the tongue. Being a sensitive instrument of taste and communication, the process of removing tissue is to not cause pain or suffering and so a numbing spray is used to deaden sensation. Along with the spray, a shot of Novocain or similar solution is used directly into separate areas of the tongue. After waiting a sufficient amount of time for the nerves to be de-sensitized the biopsy is performed and the tissue removed. I'm sure every experience is different, but my experience brought me no joy.
The secondary pain associated is the waiting. Waiting for the biopsy to be analyzed and determined to be or not to be cancerous. A plan is made for both instances and a 'limbo' period opens up until the time when a face to face is done in the ENT's office that will decide what will be done. The best way to deal with limbo is to live in the present moment and enjoy and appreciate what you do have. The minute you find out the news is just another present moment we call the 'future', but if you can get your head around the fact that it will be 'now', in a block on the calendar, it is easier to place your reaction to that determination in 'now'. At this point, I am trying to be like water, to accept the situation and flow with it. To resist builds up a lot of negative energy that is especially hard to release under duress. Instead, I am trying to be still and listen for the lesson in this situation. It is at these junctions in life that we are revealed for who we are, not what we think other people think we are. I am going to be who I am no matter what my exo-person, this body, is undergoing. Tissue changes, growing or dying as time passes. The energy that lives inside the body is the engine that is going to fight. The body is there for the ride. Game on.
A Brief Encounter With Divinity
Fri, Jun 27 2008 04:15
Leaving the ENT's office yesterday afternoon after getting some sobering news, I was entering the foyer of the medical office to exit the building. My brother from another mother and volunteer transportation officer, Miron, went off to answer a call to nature and I had a few minutes to sit by myself. My mind was focused on what the doctor had told me about the progress in my battle with cancer (more on this in a future post) and I as not really paying attention to my surroundings.
Eventually, I looked up at the sound of two voices in the center of the foyer. An elderly couple were preparing to exit and they were getting the parking toll fee ready by counting out wrinkly single dollar bills from each of their pockets. The elderly woman was talking softly and motioning to the the gentleman in the wheel chair. The elderly man, who was speaking in short, almost inaudible and indiscernible tones, was trying his best to communicate. The woman was kind and reassuring, keeping the focus on the present moment and away from the elderly gentleman's discomfort. Her attention to his wellness and well being shown in her patience and understanding along with her humble service to his needs. She constantly repeated phrases to him that his benighted ears couldn't hear, never losing patience. She treated him with a loving kindness that was the essence of what great art and poetry is made of.
The grace demonstrated to me in the span of thirty seconds left me astounded, It occurred to me that what I was witnessing was not two elderly people discussing getting their car from the parking deck to their destination, but the substance of what the world's religions teaches us about divinity. There before me was two very frail, very average and unassuming old folks who in the winter of life shone with new life.
There was only strength that came from the bond they shared in their infirmness, in their impermanence, in their weakness. By serving each other, by being there for one another, by a conviction to see their task accomplished. Together, in the present moment, the couple were nothing short of a picture of divinity. No complaining, no outward reliance on anyone or anything, no self-pity or need for attention, they just were there for each other. You could tell that they had learned some very high order spiritual lessons by their actions. It's amazing what love can do to show strength and power in old age and weakness. Lesson learned-now to go and practice and share.
Eventually, I looked up at the sound of two voices in the center of the foyer. An elderly couple were preparing to exit and they were getting the parking toll fee ready by counting out wrinkly single dollar bills from each of their pockets. The elderly woman was talking softly and motioning to the the gentleman in the wheel chair. The elderly man, who was speaking in short, almost inaudible and indiscernible tones, was trying his best to communicate. The woman was kind and reassuring, keeping the focus on the present moment and away from the elderly gentleman's discomfort. Her attention to his wellness and well being shown in her patience and understanding along with her humble service to his needs. She constantly repeated phrases to him that his benighted ears couldn't hear, never losing patience. She treated him with a loving kindness that was the essence of what great art and poetry is made of.
The grace demonstrated to me in the span of thirty seconds left me astounded, It occurred to me that what I was witnessing was not two elderly people discussing getting their car from the parking deck to their destination, but the substance of what the world's religions teaches us about divinity. There before me was two very frail, very average and unassuming old folks who in the winter of life shone with new life.
There was only strength that came from the bond they shared in their infirmness, in their impermanence, in their weakness. By serving each other, by being there for one another, by a conviction to see their task accomplished. Together, in the present moment, the couple were nothing short of a picture of divinity. No complaining, no outward reliance on anyone or anything, no self-pity or need for attention, they just were there for each other. You could tell that they had learned some very high order spiritual lessons by their actions. It's amazing what love can do to show strength and power in old age and weakness. Lesson learned-now to go and practice and share.
Chris Guillebeau's "A Brief Guide to World Domination"
Tue, Jun 24 2008 03:37
I encourage you all to visit Chris Guillebeau's excellent web site called The Art of Non-Conformity to get the free 29 page manifesto called "A Brief Guide to World Domination."
Here's a few things you'll learn in Chris's report:
*The Two Most Important Questions in the Universe
*Why Ruling and Changing the World are Interrelated
*The Clear Alternative to Being Unremarkably Average
*True Stories from Zen Habits, Kiva, Randy Pausch, and more
*Life Lessons from my Singapore Airlines flight to Tokyo
The report asks readers to consider two questions (the previously-mentioned "most important questions in the universe"). On the site, you can post your own answers to those questions and add your responses.
Chris is really breaking new ground and bringing subjects to light that we haven't found framed in this fashion. Challenge yourself and learn with "A Brief Guide to World Domination." I like to visit Chris's site to see how he and others are staying creative in complexity and offering real world solutions.
In response to Chris's questions, here are my submittals:
What do you really want to get out of life?
- Wisdom to see beneath the surface and understand the spiritual mechanics of life that drive everything else and how it all works together. I would then like to pass this on through what I do as an electronic musician and pilgrim.
What can you offer the world that no one else can?
- Some life experience of the Universe running through me as part of the whole connected force. Perhaps there are some aspects that others may find useful in their journey. A palm for those on their way from the pilgrimage and a pointer for those trying to get there.
What Can I really offer?
- To look inward and constantly be aware that I am connected to the whole of life. To learn from this and share, because what I find within myself is universal for all men.
What will you make of it?
- To be grateful for each present moment and from this abundance, give and share joy, wisdom, revolution and revelation. Give and share from experience as you have a sole insight into your experience. Never stop learning from babes and old souls with humility and humor.
Additionally, I wanted to add a bit of verse.
the universe
can use all things
to gather
harmony
Let me know your responses in the comments area!
One Love
Here's a few things you'll learn in Chris's report:
*The Two Most Important Questions in the Universe
*Why Ruling and Changing the World are Interrelated
*The Clear Alternative to Being Unremarkably Average
*True Stories from Zen Habits, Kiva, Randy Pausch, and more
*Life Lessons from my Singapore Airlines flight to Tokyo
The report asks readers to consider two questions (the previously-mentioned "most important questions in the universe"). On the site, you can post your own answers to those questions and add your responses.
Chris is really breaking new ground and bringing subjects to light that we haven't found framed in this fashion. Challenge yourself and learn with "A Brief Guide to World Domination." I like to visit Chris's site to see how he and others are staying creative in complexity and offering real world solutions.
In response to Chris's questions, here are my submittals:
What do you really want to get out of life?
- Wisdom to see beneath the surface and understand the spiritual mechanics of life that drive everything else and how it all works together. I would then like to pass this on through what I do as an electronic musician and pilgrim.
What can you offer the world that no one else can?
- Some life experience of the Universe running through me as part of the whole connected force. Perhaps there are some aspects that others may find useful in their journey. A palm for those on their way from the pilgrimage and a pointer for those trying to get there.
What Can I really offer?
- To look inward and constantly be aware that I am connected to the whole of life. To learn from this and share, because what I find within myself is universal for all men.
What will you make of it?
- To be grateful for each present moment and from this abundance, give and share joy, wisdom, revolution and revelation. Give and share from experience as you have a sole insight into your experience. Never stop learning from babes and old souls with humility and humor.
Additionally, I wanted to add a bit of verse.
the universe
can use all things
to gather
harmony
Let me know your responses in the comments area!
One Love
The Passing of George Carlin
Mon, Jun 23 2008 03:19
This morning's news of the passing of George Carlin has left me pondering a few things about life courtesy of the comedic genius. Throughout all of my teen years and adult life, Carlin shadowed the mainstream with his own brand of critical insight and comedic philosophy.
Never one to follow, he forged his own path to his view of the world and made a lot of us the more wiser. Carlin, for me, promoted a healthy questioning of staid ideals and foreshadowed a more potent form of empowerment- humor. From his raunchy comedy forays in his HBO specials to his voicing of the children's cartoon Thomas the Tank Engine, Carlin never failed to deliver an astounding array of agility in working with and without the system. I hope to retain his ability to question and self-observe as well as remain creative in complexity as he had. He will be missed.
Never one to follow, he forged his own path to his view of the world and made a lot of us the more wiser. Carlin, for me, promoted a healthy questioning of staid ideals and foreshadowed a more potent form of empowerment- humor. From his raunchy comedy forays in his HBO specials to his voicing of the children's cartoon Thomas the Tank Engine, Carlin never failed to deliver an astounding array of agility in working with and without the system. I hope to retain his ability to question and self-observe as well as remain creative in complexity as he had. He will be missed.
Why I am Wasting Your Timelessness
Fri, Jun 20 2008 05:07
Each and every day, someone or something is vying for your attention. From your family, co-workers and buds, to every single electronic device spewing some form of ad pollution, all want your undivided attention. If you are like me, you only have so much you can give or tolerate for that matter. Your attention, you see, is the complete focused energy of your being. It is usually reserved for those life situations that make up your personal and professional waking moments. Your family, co-workers and buds are given more attention real estate, like beachfront real estate than the common interruptions of ads and folks trying to chit chat on the Metro. With the ginormous amount of blah blowing over you in billows, it can get pretty tiring by the end of the day when you turn off the box as the last ad for beer or male enhancement makes its pitch for your bloodshot consideration. Before you know it, bedtime is upon you, your day spent, your attention 4 sheets to the wind.
All this means is that the real you, not the necktie guy in the company newsletter, the makeup applying Chica in the rearview mirror or the photobombed student is scattered, battered and about to hulk out. Reason? With all the time we have separated out into little plots of 'to do', there is rarely time to be with yourself in your time and your place. When you can get there, this is your timelessness. Timelessnes is where good memories are made and spread around like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, where you are connected to people who wish you health and life, where the inner you, the real you is at peace.
The next time I come at you with drivel about something that is essentially irrelevant in your space of awareness, I am, in essence wasting your timelessness. I am not engaging you, I am jacking your attention away from something more meaningful-your life. Family, co-workers and buds and the relentless marketers are all just waiting for the opportunity to pimp some new tumor on your timelessness. You have to decide who gets in the door to share the cookies with.
Simply knowing this is happening is a good start to better care and feeding of your timelessness. You can start building up your awareness of yourself anytime you want, like right after the last song on your playlist after you finish adding a friend to MeatSpace. Stop twittering for long enough to go timeless!
All this means is that the real you, not the necktie guy in the company newsletter, the makeup applying Chica in the rearview mirror or the photobombed student is scattered, battered and about to hulk out. Reason? With all the time we have separated out into little plots of 'to do', there is rarely time to be with yourself in your time and your place. When you can get there, this is your timelessness. Timelessnes is where good memories are made and spread around like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, where you are connected to people who wish you health and life, where the inner you, the real you is at peace.
The next time I come at you with drivel about something that is essentially irrelevant in your space of awareness, I am, in essence wasting your timelessness. I am not engaging you, I am jacking your attention away from something more meaningful-your life. Family, co-workers and buds and the relentless marketers are all just waiting for the opportunity to pimp some new tumor on your timelessness. You have to decide who gets in the door to share the cookies with.
Simply knowing this is happening is a good start to better care and feeding of your timelessness. You can start building up your awareness of yourself anytime you want, like right after the last song on your playlist after you finish adding a friend to MeatSpace. Stop twittering for long enough to go timeless!
Please Don't Bother Me
Thu, Jun 19 2008 04:50
On my morning walk with the moon sinking into dawn, I was contemplating the journey thus far. Walking for me, is the perfect time to loosen the moorings from conventional day to day business and aim for something just outside my circle of averageness. It's fun trying to just be open and let the universe drop something in for a change.
This morning, I noticed a young man approaching from the other direction. He is probably in his early twenties, black shirt, jeans, ear buds in place along with a nervous energy and commitment to avoid any contact. As in the past I speak to him “Good Morning!”, and wave to him in case his audio is set to block unwanted earthlings. His response is to scurry along faster, eyes averted as if he were about to be accosted. He gives no response.
Couldn't help but think how avoiding interaction could be a mode that we adopt when external stimulus is just too much to take. I wondered if we ever get over that or is that a bed we have to lie in. People change for the better and for the worst. It's good to be on the path to where your journey is and recognize it is a journey.
Are you an avoider or an engager?
One Love
This morning, I noticed a young man approaching from the other direction. He is probably in his early twenties, black shirt, jeans, ear buds in place along with a nervous energy and commitment to avoid any contact. As in the past I speak to him “Good Morning!”, and wave to him in case his audio is set to block unwanted earthlings. His response is to scurry along faster, eyes averted as if he were about to be accosted. He gives no response.
Couldn't help but think how avoiding interaction could be a mode that we adopt when external stimulus is just too much to take. I wondered if we ever get over that or is that a bed we have to lie in. People change for the better and for the worst. It's good to be on the path to where your journey is and recognize it is a journey.
Are you an avoider or an engager?
One Love
Identifying With Your Cancer
Tue, Jun 17 2008 04:27
In posting experiences to the Psiplex Blog, I often mention for new readers that I am battling and surviving head and neck cancer. I am, in some fashion apprising others of a condition. But is that all there is to it, or is there more? In speaking with other cancer survivors as well as responding on forums like CancerCompass and Caring4Cancer I see a lot of patients/survivors phrase their experience by saying: 'my breast cancer', 'my throat cancer', or 'my cancer journey'. What does this really mean? Are these folks and myself identifying with cancer as to say I and my cancer are one and the same'? In a way, we, as human beings often need to associate with something bigger than ourselves. This depends on what stage of life and maturity you are in at the moment, but it is a fact. For example, we can associate the work we do to earn an income with the larger organization we work with. If I make my living as a residential realtor, I may identify myself with the parent company who makes hundreds of millions of dollars per year. I may associate my self with a larger organized entity in my beliefs, vocation and personal interests. I may not see myself as a single lonely web developer, but as a part of a larger web developer community that is well respected. It seems to be a hallmark of our nature and our egos to be a part of something bigger and perhaps more 'meaningful'. Hey, I'm a card-carrying member of [insert your organization here], my friend. These days, I am trying to be careful not to equate my identity with my cancer battle and survivorship. The part of me creating music and graphics is not my cancer, so I have clarity to separate the effect from the cause.
What aspect of your cancer journey are you really linked to? Has the ordeal itself somehow become you? With cancer or any other life threatening illness, is this mentally and spiritually healthy? From my personal viewpoint, this is not a good way to go and here's why: I do not believe my illness or my physical condition is the essential 'me'. Huh? I do not believe the pattern of cells making up my physical human form is my energy, that is, my life energy. May sound a bit like new age spew, but think about it, the state of your physical form at 18, 29, 45, 60, 80 is not the same. The 'me' you are in at this moment as you read this will change fundamentally in 20 years. Are you still 'me'? A part of you will be, a part of you will not be. Your container, your beautifully fit, tanned, well groomed and well cared for outer 'me' at the peak of your physicality will not be nearly the same at age 77. No kiddin'. Neither will your much vaunted (and maybe over-valued) brain. Are either of these cell-based entities the real you? I freaking hope not. Well, neither is your cancer or life threatening disease, or the mole on your chin. They just aren't you! The thoughts, beliefs and emotions you schlep around with each day contribute to your identity you have of your 'me' and your view of what others say about the you they believe is you adds to this 'me'.
Conformist, no-conformist, corporate rock star, geek girl optima, mad hatter or button-down cubicle droid, our portable exterior 'me' chunks are only the external manifestations of what we and others bolt on to it. The portable exterior 'me' can be influenced by your perception and what you allow others to bolt on. It takes another kind of journey to find out this is not so. Are you identifying with your cancer or are you going further in your inward journey to discover the 'ah-ha' moment?
Set your ego aside and let me know what you come up with. I'll set mine aside to humbly and quietly listen.
One Love
What aspect of your cancer journey are you really linked to? Has the ordeal itself somehow become you? With cancer or any other life threatening illness, is this mentally and spiritually healthy? From my personal viewpoint, this is not a good way to go and here's why: I do not believe my illness or my physical condition is the essential 'me'. Huh? I do not believe the pattern of cells making up my physical human form is my energy, that is, my life energy. May sound a bit like new age spew, but think about it, the state of your physical form at 18, 29, 45, 60, 80 is not the same. The 'me' you are in at this moment as you read this will change fundamentally in 20 years. Are you still 'me'? A part of you will be, a part of you will not be. Your container, your beautifully fit, tanned, well groomed and well cared for outer 'me' at the peak of your physicality will not be nearly the same at age 77. No kiddin'. Neither will your much vaunted (and maybe over-valued) brain. Are either of these cell-based entities the real you? I freaking hope not. Well, neither is your cancer or life threatening disease, or the mole on your chin. They just aren't you! The thoughts, beliefs and emotions you schlep around with each day contribute to your identity you have of your 'me' and your view of what others say about the you they believe is you adds to this 'me'.
Conformist, no-conformist, corporate rock star, geek girl optima, mad hatter or button-down cubicle droid, our portable exterior 'me' chunks are only the external manifestations of what we and others bolt on to it. The portable exterior 'me' can be influenced by your perception and what you allow others to bolt on. It takes another kind of journey to find out this is not so. Are you identifying with your cancer or are you going further in your inward journey to discover the 'ah-ha' moment?
Set your ego aside and let me know what you come up with. I'll set mine aside to humbly and quietly listen.
One Love